Before leaving for work this morning, my helper came and bid farewell to me as it is her last day with us. She was with us since Aug 2011 till today. She has decided to go back to Indonesia to spend 3 months with her daughter, aged 5.
All these while, I would say she has taken good care of Xav, being his companion when I'm at work and keeping the house spick and span. We regard her as one of us, bringing her for meals whenever we eat out, allowing her to choose her choice from the menu, go on her monthly off and incase should she be missing home, she can give a call back home anytime as we allowed her to keep her mobile with her, making her as comfortable as we can so that her performance will not be affected. Brought her along to Legoland Malaysia as well to have a day of fun.
It was until when my pregnancy hormones kicked in, yes, I have to admit that I'm really short fused, really flared up over her repeated mistakes despite telling her over and over again. And if you are wondering am I kicking up a big fuss ? I have to say no, I did not. I hate to repeat over and over again. Patience ran out most of the time. To an extent, I felt like a mean monster myself, with the choice of words used to reprimand her. For the first three months, I was literally depressed and crying on every alternate evening after scholding her.
What made me totally disheartened was two months ago, she was caught by my mum, crossing the bi-directional road without holding onto Xav ! Xav was seen left behind her about 2-3 footsteps away ! She admitted and proudly told me "Mdm, but it's green man" !
My question to her :
1. There are so many construction going around the vicinity. What happen if the heavy vehicles can't see him as he is still so short for his age ? Or what if a vehicle came and knock him down from behind ?
2. Given if it's her own daughter, will she leave her behind to cross the road in the same way as Xav was left behind.
After this episode, my resentment and anger towards her took to a higher level. I felt that I no longer can trust her to take care of Xav. I even told her to stay away from my sight as her presence seriously affects my mood and I cannot concentrate in doing my stuff. Poor deardear in such situation, have to convey my instructions to her as I dont even feel like talking to her or ask her to do anything.
From then on, I dropped Xav to school before proceeding to my office. Thankful for having understanding supervisors and bosses. I gradually took over the cooking. Even preparation for the meals, I took over and settled it myself as well as the massive washing of the baby's clothing. I was telling myself, I wished she could just be sent back as soon as possible.
Back to this morning, when she came to me crying and apologising for making me angry over her mistakes done for this past few months, I did apologised back for the way I reprimanded her. Hopefully, she has learnt something here which can be brought over and practise in the new household that she is going three months later and not bring her bad habits. At the same time, I wish her all the best and wish that she be posted to a better household than ours (if she felt that we had not treat her well enough ?).
I had a mixed feeling, I can't be angry with her any longer, I held back my tears, not wanting anyone to see, silently went to take a piece of tissue and wipe away my tears.
As for Xav, we told him that Aunty Sri is leaving back home to Indonesia. Can you give her a hug and thank her for taking care of you all these while. Not that I did not notify him in advance. Probably for the start of a day, kind of a bit too "shocking" for this 5 yr old to take ? His eyes opened up pretty big and he went silence ... I felt that he showed signs of reluctance to bid his companion goodbye. He went to the lift and I explained to him that it is just excactly the same as how he missed daddy when daddy went overseas for work commitment. I could see sadness and wetness in his eyes but he held back his tears. I gave him a good hug before I left him with deardear.
After I boarded the taxi, tears were streaming down my cheeks, crying silently, hoping the driver will not realize. Why am I tearing ? It's not that I felt a sense of loss that she is leaving but at that moment just felt so emotional.
So who could be possibly affected the most ?
A) Me ? As I'm due anytime within this three weeks. I'm taking over the management of the household (Cooking and washing), Xav's well being & homelearning as well as our second born in time to come. (Can I manage it well ?)
B) Deardear ? Poor him got to help out with the chores and Xav (plus baby) after a tiring day at work in time to come.
C) Xav ? He lost a companion who has been with him for the past two years when daddy and mummy is not around. But he gained back mummy's time for he wished that mummy can stay home to be with him and not go to work. Perhaps emotionally wise, he could have felt a loss of someone who has took care of him and played with him. And not forgetting, he has to learn to be more independant in terms of keeping his own toys after playing.
A super long and wordy post to kickstart a rainy Monday......
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